


Leaves on Water

by greenkangaroo



Category: Naruto
Genre: AU, Clan Politics, F/F, F/M, Gen, Hokage Orochimaru, Kushina lives, M/M, Sasuke and Chouji are childhood friends, intervillage cooperation for dummies, multiple OCs - Freeform, no Uchiha Incident
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-29
Updated: 2017-09-03
Packaged: 2018-08-11 21:07:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7907674
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/greenkangaroo/pseuds/greenkangaroo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The first time Akimichi Chouji met Hoshigaki Kisame, he punched him in the face. An AU love story.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know where this is going. I don't know where it's been. I can't even promise it will have story cohesion or be finished. All I know is it's here and it's queer. Alternate Universe where nothing bad happened to the Uchiha and Itachi is the older brother to literally everyone whether they want an older brother or not. Ages and timelines have been tweaked. Let's pin Kisame at eeeehhh nineteen currently.

The first time Akimichi Chouji met Hoshigaki Kisame, he punched him in the face. 

Now, as one was a ninja of Konoha and the other was a ninja of Kiri, it wasn't all that surprising. Meetings between leaf and mist ninja ended in fights all the time, most of them far more deadly than punches. 

What was surprising was that Chouji managed to hit a Swordsman of the Mist and live to tell the tale. 

Chouji would maintain that it was Sasuke's fault. They had been sent on a two-man mission, C rank, nothing complicated. It was picking up correspondence from one of the Fire Country nobles and bringing it back to Konoha. Walk in the park. Easy as pie. 

Only then they'd both sensed weird chakra. And while Chouji cited that they needed to return to Konoha quickly, Sasuke correctly identified the chakra as Mist ninja and decided they were too close to the border to be up to any good. 

While he had no doubt that this was true, Chouji reminded Sasuke that they were chunin and probably outnumbered. 

Sasuke informed Chouji that he was a coward. 

Chouji did not rise to the bait and threatened to tell Itachi. This was his ultimate trump card, and it would have worked, if the damn Mist ninja- and the person they were chasing- hadn't come barreling right into the two arguing Leaf ninja. 

Chouji had been right, they were outnumbered, four to two. That was annoying. 

One of their opposing number was clearly a jounin, which was doubly annoying. 

That jounin was holding something that was either a really weirdly wrapped bolt of silk or a freakishly large sword and that boosted the whole situation from annoying right up into Nara Troublesome. 

There wasn't much of a fight to speak of. Sure, Sasuke was a genius, and Chouji thought (privately, very quietly, and exclusively to himself) that he could hold his own, but there was only so much you could do when water missile jutsus were being thrown around like it was a midsummer balloon fight. 

The big guy, with the bolt-of-silk-or-sword, honed in on Chouji, which was great, just great. Exactly what he needed. Chouji did his best to keep his distance, cursed himself five times over for being a short range fighter, and swore to every ancestor he had that he'd learn better defensive jutsus if he just survived the next ten fucking minutes. 

He was pinned by the weird sword and wondering just how much shark teeth would hurt while ripping his face off when it happened. 

The jounin grinned at him- grinned, or leered?- and said, "What a cute piggy you are." 

For a moment, Akimichi Chouji's world came to a screeching halt. 

Then it started up again, and his fist- with enough power behind it to level a small boulder- was beelining over the top of the weird sword and straight at the fish-man's face. 

Impact, when it came, was immensely satisfying. 

Chouji moved back as quickly as he could, made to regroup but there was no need. 

Their teachers had arrived. 

Chouij went nearly boneless in relief. In fact he fell flat on his ass and stared at the pool of water into which the fish-man had submerged. 

He looked up and the first thing he saw was Sasuke, soaking wet and looking at least slightly guilty, which all Chouji could ask, really. 

"This," he said, "is your fault." 

Kakashi sauntered over from the bodies of two of their attackers as Asuma helped Chouji to his feet. "That was beautiful." He told the chunin. "Really, I wish we had it on camera." 

"Had what on camera?" Chouji's ears were ringing. 

"You just punched Samehada Kisame, kid." Kakashi said, clapping Chouji on the back. "It was stupid as hell. I'm amazed you're still here!" 

"Kakashi!" Asuma hissed. He turned his attention to his student. "Chouji? Are you here?" He waved a hand in front of Chouji's face. "Earth to Chouji. Hello?" 

Chouji blinked slowly. "I punched _who?_ " He asked. 

He didn't like the answer any more the second time he heard it. 

The perimeter was secured, they were dutifully chewed out for their lack of attention and entering a fight unprepared, and Asuma led Chouji home with his brow creased in concern. Chouji ate absentmindedly that night and, the next morning, looked at Ino and said, "My name doesn't even MEAN pig! Yours does!" 

He endured the immediate attack upon his person with bravery. Shikamaru gave him a long, considering look. 

"Asuma told me you punched a Swordsman of the Mist." He said over clouds later. "In the face." 

Chouji groaned and shoved more chips in his mouth.


	2. I get by (with a little help from my friends)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which a trip to the library is made.

"Okay so let me get this straight." Ino sat down between Shikamaru and Chouji, nearly on both of their laps. "You and Sasuke-kun are coming back from a mission. Sasuke-kun senses weird chakra."

"And the weird chakra is mist nin we know this Ino." Shikamaru sighed. 

"Yeah but then one of those mist nin calls Chouji a-" 

"DON'T say it." Chouji said. 

"And then Chouji clobbers him!" Ino punched the air. "That's my favorite part." 

"It's not mine." Chouji muttered. 

"Aw come on Chouji you scored a hit on a powerful ninja!" Ino said. 

"Yeah, a powerful ninja with a BINGO BOOK ENTRY!" Chouji glared at his team mate. "Do you know how lucky I am to be alive right now?! It was luck, Ino, that's it."

"Statistically speaking, he's right." Shikamaru said, head tilted back. "It's probable that the mist nin didn't realize how much power was behind the punch, but even then it shouldn't have connected." 

"Listen to the genius and stop telling the genin to be scared of me." Chouji growled at Ino. 

"you sure are grumpy for a guy who got a reputation overnight." Ino said. 

"I don't want a reputation!" Chouji said. "I was perfectly happy when I was reputation-less! The last thing I need is for a Swordsman of the Mist to murder me in my sleep!" 

"You think he'll hold a grudge?" Ino asked. 

"He's a mist ninja. If he held a grudge against everyone who punched him in the face, he wouldn't have time to sleep." Shikamaru glanced at Chouji. "What I find interesting is that you say those four ninja were chasing someone, but Asuma found no signs." 

"Sasuke and I both gave oral descriptions," Chouji said, "but really if I was running from those guys and they were interrupted I'd get while the getting was good, too." 

"So a high level mist nin and three subordinates are chasing what we can safely presume is an important target when their mission is interrupted by two wet-behind-the-ears chunin." Shikamaru hmmed. 

"I don't like that noise." Chouji said. "That is not a good noise. Shikamaru why are you making that noise?" 

"Don't you call Sasuke wet behind the ears!" Ino defended. "He's brilliant!" 

"I'd say your chances for grudge are at least tripled when that is taken into account," Shikamaru said to Chouji, completely ignoring Ino, "but he did call you 'little' so maybe he doesn't view you as that much of a threat." 

"I'd be insulted but I like breathing." Chouji replied. 

"This whole thing is troublesome." Shikamaru said. "If he comes after you, by default, he comes after Ino and me." 

"I wasn't exactly expecting to gain a nemesis!" Chouji protested. 

"No but you might have one." Shikamaru sighed. "No helping it. We need to work on how to fight mist nin." 

"Well according to Chouji," Ino said with a smile, "You punch them after they call you pi-" 

"INO!" 

Ino launched herself up and Chouji followed. Shikamaru sat back and watched them chase one another around for a moment, wondering where they got the energy before saying, "We need to go." 

"Go where?" Ino asked suspiciously. 

The smile Shikamaru gave her was downright evil. "The library." 

\---

Popular rumor had it that when Orochimaru's name came up the fill the vacant seat of Hokage, he'd immediately locked himself into the library he'd spent his entire Jounin career building and refused to come out. On the day of his inauguration he had to be dragged from the place hissing all the while. 

Anko Mitarashi- his longest serving ANBU bodyguard- swore that he had bitten and envenomed at least three people before they got him into the robes of office. 

Whether that was true or not, everyone knew that their Hokage preferred research and study to being the Leader of a Nin village, and it showed in the Library of Konoha. 

Sometimes called The Great Library, it had no known equal. A towering structure that rivaled the Offices of the Hokage for height, it contained both research facilities and thousands of volumes from all corners of the known world. The breadth and depth of available subjects was truly sublime. 

It was one of Shikamaru's favorite places. 

Ino hated it. 

"What are we even looking for?" She groaned, ignoring the evil eye the librarian kept throwing her. 

"Information on Kiri." Shikamaru said, examining the card catalogue. "Specifically the Seven Swordsmen of the Mist." 

"Wouldn't that be in the restricted section?" Chouji asked. 

"The more advanced scrolls will be," Shikamaru said, "but basic history should be in the regular stacks." He pulled a series of cards. "Let's go." 

He led his team mates through the maze of shelves and retrieved his chosen materials. They commandeered a table on the upper mezzanine and Shikamaru laid out their finds. "What did Kakashi say his name was?" He asked Chouji. 

"Samehada Kisame." Chouji said. 

"There won't be any names," Shikamaru began to flip pages, "but Samehada sounds like a title or an object. The sword probably." He squinted at a page, shook his head, and kept flipping. 

"Great so we're looking for some dusty old sword in these dusty old books in this dusty old-" Ino ceased flipping through her chosen tome. "Uh. Chouji?" 

She turned the book so that her teammates could see it. 

"Is that what you're talking about?" She asked, gesturing to an illustration. 

"Hey that's it!" Chouji said, leaning over the table to get a closer look. "It looked like a bolt of silk on a stick." 

Shikamaru quickly scanned the written information next to the drawing. "Huh. Says here it's alive." 

"How can a sword be alive?" Ino asked. 

Shikamaru shrugged. "I don't know, but I'm gonna find out." 

"You mean we're finding out." Chouji said. At his friends' looks he said, "I'm not getting called a cute pig EVER AGAIN." 

Shikamaru nodded, Ino grinned, and the studying began in earnest. 

\---

Uchiha Sasuke and Akimichi Chouji had known one another since they were very small. 

They were born around the same time, and during the Troubles (which was what Choza called them, and Chouji saw no reason to use another word) Itachi had often brought Sasuke to the Akimichi main compound to spend the night. Things like natural talent, interests, and personality meant that the two boys had drifted apart, forming differing social circles as they aged, but Sasuke still remembered the best way to get to Chouji's window, and he still knew exactly how hard to throw a stone to get Chouji to open it. 

"What?" Chouji grumbled as he leaned out. 

"Are you still mad?" Sasuke asked him from his position in the sturdy maple tree across from Chouji's window. "You're a chunin this is embarrassing." 

"I punched a swordsman of the mist in the face, Sasuke." 

"Which is sort of impressive." Sasuke admitted grudgingly. 

"Impressive?" Chouji asked, voice hitting a high note at the end of the word. "Is that what we call that?" 

"Look you're the one who demanded I spend my time using my permissions to find stuff you shouldn't be able to read without at LEAST passing the preliminary library exam do you want to see what I have or what?" Sasuke demanded. 

"Alright fine." Chouji muttered. "But don't you think I'm sharing my snacks." He moved back from the window and Sasuke leapt soundlessly inside. "Does Itachi know you're here?" Chouji asked as he closed the window. 

"He's covering for me." Sasuke admitted as he dropped the bag he'd slung over his shoulder onto the bed. Sasuke glanced at the plate on Chouji's bedside table- a near constant- and smirked. "For someone who doesn't want to share his snacks that's a lot of omusubi." He said. "It's almost like you knew I was coming." 

"Shut up and eat. What did you find?" 

"All sorts of stuff," Sasuke said with the kind of grin that made Chouji wary, "but not a lot of it's gonna be relevant until you start here." Sasuke sat down and shuffled through the bag until he came up with a red cloth wrapped scroll. He unrolled it and accepted an offered omusubi. 

"These," Sasuke said through a mouthful of rice and flaked fish, gesturing to the drawings on the scroll, "Are all the known chakra-sucking techniques used in Konoha over the past Wars." Sasuke checked the tag. "Written by your five times great grandfather, I think." 

Both young ninja leaned in to check the scroll's contents. They both read in quiet for a little while before Sasuke said, "Why does all of this sound really unpleasant?" 

"Because it is." Chouji said. "How long before the Hokage realizes this went missing?" 

Sasuke frowned. "I'm sure he already knows. The real question is how fast can you learn to reverse chakra-sucking before he comes for your blood?" 

"Unlike some of us I can keep a scroll tidy, and you're the one who stole it, oh studious future Keeper of the Scrolls." Chouji pointed out. He looked the scroll over again. This was some heavy technical jutsu, things he'd only seen in theory. 

"I'd say this all seems too extreme," Sasuke said, "but you heard about Team Eight." 

Chouji nodded. Team Eight had returned earlier in the week after a skirmish with Kiri ninja. They were the second team to encounter hostiles from Mist. Everyone was studying up, and politely phrased diplomatic letters were already being exchanged. 

For all the good that would inevitably do, in the end. 

"What's the Hokage doing?" Chouji asked Sasuke.

"Keeping a level eye on the horizon." Sasuke admitted. "He's hoping Jiraiya and the dobe will be back any day now."

Chouji sighed. Jiraiya back in the village, attacks coming seemingly at random. "Maybe Shikamaru is wrong and Kisame forgot all about me." 

"Has Shikamaru ever been wrong?" Sasuke pointed out, and Chouji groaned and buried his head in his pillow. 

The next evening Chouji returned to his home after his early solo training to find a snakeskin shed on his pillow, upon which was written in elegant script, 'if it comes back with a single tear I will have your head'. 

Which was, Chouji figured, enough of a blessing of the Hokage that he could show the scroll to Shikamaru and not die. That was good. He was gonna need all the help he could get.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think if Orochimaru had just realized that building a library would help him amass all the information he wanted he probably would have been a better adjusted individual. Or maybe I just love the idea of Ultimate Ninja Librarian Orochimaru. 
> 
> And yes. He wears his hair in a bun. And probably has glasses.


	3. Akitsu's Horrible Terrible No Good Very Bad Mission

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Who was that guy they were chasing, anyway?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You are about to be introduced to an OC. Yes he plays a large part in the story. No he's not gonna wind up, idk, dating Sasuke or whatever. Well okay I can't promise that Akitsu does what he wants.

Suikazan Akitsu was not having a good day. 

Well, to be honest he wasn't having a good series of days. Nearly a month, actually. Ever since the coup had begun in earnest, everything had gone to shit. He'd been labelled a traitor, chased from his village by some of the strongest ninja Mist had ever produced, and hadn't eaten in- okay he didn't want to think about it. 

So this? 

This was just the shit icing on the shit cake. 

"You're serious." The ANBU in the monkey mask said, and Akitsu could only glare at him.

"Do I look like a ninja who can afford to be joking?" He asked, which was likely not the right thing to say to an armed elite warrior from an enemy village, but let it never be said of Akitsu that he wasn't a Suikazan to his core, including an inability to keep his damnable mouth shut. 

"You want to see our Hokage." 

"I would like to parlay with your Hokage," Akitsu clarified, "In the name of the Mizukage." 

"You would have us believe," said Dog- who was the leader of the squad, if the way the others deferred was any indication- "that Yagura wishes to discuss an alliance with Lord Fifth?" 

"No," Akitsu said, "Lord Yagura doesn't want to discuss anything." 

A beat. 

"Lady Terumi, on the other hand, would love to." 

The tension in the air was razor-wire thin. 

"A coup?" Asked the ANBU in the mantis mask. 

Akitsu grinned, showing every sharp, sharklike tooth. "Told you I couldn't afford to be joking." 

The ANBU who had summoned the iron chains said, "He's lying." 

"We don't know that for sure." Mantis argued. 

"We don't," Dog said, "but Morino will." 

Yes, the shit icing on the shit cake. 

\---

Okay so maybe this wasn't the Absolute Worst. 

(more likely it was going to wind up being the Worst but hey optimism.) 

In the four days he'd been a guest of the jail cells Ibiki Morino, Leaf's Bogeyman for Bogeymen, hadn't asked any questions Akitsu couldn't answer. 

Yet. 

"You say your Mizukage sent you, but according to our intel Yagura is currently Lord Fourth." Morino said. 

Akitsu shrugged as much as he could in his restrains. "He might still be." He said. "Things were getting a bit hectic when I left." 

"So the coup might not have been successful at all." 

"Maybe," Akitsu acknowledged, though the thought twisted something in his gut. Mei-sensei had to be fine. Everything had to have gone well. 

"Why would the Mizukage send a chunin to parlay?" Ibiki asked. 

"Would you believe the Leader of a village would send a chunin?" Akitsu asked. 

"No." 

"There you have it." 

"You're very good at this." Ibiki commented. 

"Why thank you. You're not so bad yourself." Akitsu responded. Ibiki laughed and it wasn't a kind or even a wholly sane sound. 

_I'm gonna die in this basement,_ Akitsu thought. _Thanks, Mei-sensei._

There was a knock on the door and Ibiki answered. An ANBU stood there- a new one, wearing a Boar mask. 

A hushed conversation was had and Ibiki turned to Akitsu. "I'm taking you to the Hokage." 

"And I don't have a thing to wear." Akitsu said in dismay. 

Ibiki didn't snort but he thought about it and Akitsu considered that a victory. He was dragged up by his chakra-dampening cuffs and led along. 

\---

Mei-sensei had been very specific when describing the Hokage. 

Akitsu thought she hadn't warned him well enough. It was one thing to know that the legendary Snake Sannin was the leader of the single most powerful nin-village in the world, it was quite another to be looking at him. 

He wore his hair in a _bun,_ for crying out loud. 

"Our intel confirms," Orochimaru said, steepling his long white fingers and gazing at Akitsu over the edge of his glasses, "that there has been a change in leadership in your village." 

Akitsu didn't let his knees go out from under him, but he did sigh a little and he knew that the Hokage and his two silent ANBU guards- one wearing a wolf mask, the other a pitted viper- had noticed. To hell with that, the coupe had worked. If he wasn't trussed like a chicken he'd be drinking anything in sight. 

"That being settled," Orochimaru said, leaning back in his chair (and how did he do that without the bun squishing?) "We have also confirmed that your original story and mission were legitimate." 

Akitsu almost opened his mouth, but the way those golden eyes were hyper-focusing on him was making it hard to concentrate. 

"Lady Fifth tells me you have a verbal message to deliver," Orochimaru said.

Akitsu nodded. "I do, Lord Hokage." 

"Deliver it." 

Akitsu took a deep breath. 

\---

"You're kidding." 

Chouza Akimichi could get away with accusing the Lord Hokage of kidding because Chouza was the reason that Orochimaru had not managed to accidentally starve himself to death while building his library. 

"We must keep Suikazan in the village for the foreseeable future." Orochimaru said to the Akimichi Clan head. "You are my best option, Chouza." 

"Regardless of blood relation," Chouza replied, "It's as plain as the nose on my face that he isn't an Akimichi." 

"But it isn't plain to anyone else." Orochimaru said. "He's even got seals on his cheeks." 

"Leaving aside the teeth, Orochimaru, there's the small matter of my son being one of the two chunin to identify him." Chouza pointed out. 

"I've already spoken with Sasuke on the matter." Orochimaru said. "I know your son can maintain his silence and you do, too." 

"Lord Hokage," Chouza said, "How am I supposed to hide a mist ninja?" 

"I wouldn't bother hiding him at all, Chouza." Orochimaru said. "He's visiting family. Distant cousins, clearly." 

"Very distant." Chouza said flatly. The Hokage shook his head. "Now is not the time to reflect on centuries-old grudges, Chouza." He reminded the Akimichi Patriarch. "Besides, I feel Akitsu might make a valuable contribution to your household. Since your son has yet to return one of only three copies of Akimichi Choumaru's Theories And Executions of Chakra Consumption." 

Chouza groaned. "Why do you do this to me, Orochimaru?" 

"I'm the goddamn Hokage. If I'm not happy, nobody's happy." Orochimaru said. "There will be twenty four seven ANBU surveillance, for safety. He won't be allowed anywhere we wouldn't allow diplomatic representatives."

"Is that what he is? A diplomatic representative from a village we're currently engaged in hostilities with?" 

"For now, yes." Orochimaru said. 

Something in the way he spoke gave Chouza pause. The Jounin eyed his Hokage very carefully. Orochimaru gazed back, cool as a snake in the shade. He could fool a lot of people with that look, but he couldn't fool Chouza. _No one_ could fool Chouza. Any fight the Clan Patriarch might have put up was carefully folded and put away.

"Where is he?" the Akimichi asked. 

"Waiting outside." Orochimaru said. 

"You owe me for this." Chouza muttered. 

Orochimaru snorted and the meeting was ended. Chouza emerged from the Hokage's office to come face to face with a -very- distant cousin. 

Really, if one dyed his orange hair brown, did something about the way it flipped up, maybe filed down the teeth and got him in the proper armor,(and green seals, GREEN, who even used green?!) he could pass. 

Any layman would immediately assume that the two were related. 

Which they were. 

Sort of. 

Akitsu looked Chouza up and down. "I don't see it." He said. 

"Neither do I." Chouza said. "Follow me."

And like a chubby, lethal, morally questionable little duckling, Akitsu obeyed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you recognize the surname 'Suikazan' give yourself a gold star and remember Fuguki, the Swordsman of the Mist who wielded Samehada before Kisame totally shanked him. In our story's context, Akitsu is the dearly departed's cousin- and the Akimichi and the Suikazan are fruits of the same tree, about a hundred and fifty years and two migrations removed.


	4. Meanwhile, In The Godforesaken Woods

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a brief interlude with two dudes about to fill out mountains of paperwork.

"That's him, isn't it?" 

Zabuza Momochi carefully turned the body over. It looked like a young man, barely out of puberty. 

Both he and the blue-skinned soldier who had asked the question knew that the corpse was a fully matured adult. 

"Most unfortunately, yes." Zabuza responded to the question. 

"Fuck. How dead?"

"Really dead." Zabuza continued his initial examination. "Need forensics to say how long." 

"Long enough that we're in a shit-ton of trouble?" 

"Without a doubt. Haku." Zabuza directed this command to a young ninja who stood to his left, wearing a hunter-nin mask. Haku nodded and lifted up his hands. A moment later what had once been Yagura- Lord Yondaime Mizukage- was neatly frozen. 

"So Terumi-san was telling the truth, at least about Lord Yagura." Kisame Hoshigaki said. 

"Makes us out to be right morons doesn't it?" Zabuza asked. 

"Traitors, more like." Kisame sighed. "Going missing-nin is an option." 

"And abandon Kiri?" Zabuza said. "Someone murdered our Mizukage." 

"We're in the middle of the woods, Zabuza, you can say it. Those crazy bastards in the cloaks murdered our Mizukage." 

"Terumi might still have had something to do with it." Zabuza replied. A soft noise and he looked at Haku, who had encased the former Mizukage's frozen body in one of his mirrors. "You have other thoughts?" 

"Suikazan." Haku said. "Hoshigaki-san, you said was headed for Konoha." 

"There's no way he made it." Kisame said. "Konoha plays dumb but their woods are crawling with ANBU. They probably slit his throat the moment he crossed the border. Assuming that would kill the little bastard." 

Zabuza straightened up and said, "Or Terumi wanted to inform Konoha of Yagura's death and sent Suikazan because he's a fast talker. We're going back." 

"Hey hey you're not the boss of me." 

"If we go back," Zabuza said patiently, "Terumi is likely to be forgiving. If she had something to do with this, it will let us investigate. If Konoha is somehow involved, the village will need our strength." 

"So very dedicated, Zabuza." Kisame grinned his unnerving, sharp-toothed grin. 

"Maybe you'll get to fight your little piggy." Zabuza said. 

"You know that is a good point." Kisame said. "And if Suikazan's a turncoat under Terumi-san's orders I can kill him, too." 

"Little piggy?" Haku asked. 

"I'll explain it when you're older." Zabuza said. "We need to get this back to the village, immediately." 

They disappeared in whispers of chakra, consummate ninja. There was no sign that they or their former leader's remains had ever been in the clearing at all.


	5. Meddling Kids

When Chouji, sufficiently recovered from a day of physically and mentally exhausting reverse chakra absorption jutsu training, came down to dinner, there was a new person at the table. 

This wasn't unusual- the Akimichi often hosted guests or dignitaries or sometimes hostages. 

Chouji wasn't certain which one the orange-haired young man was, but he was sure he'd seen him before. 

This surety moved to certainty when the man looked up and met Chouji's gaze. 

Chouji almost pointed. 

Instead he calmly took his place at the (almost comically large) table, greeted his mother and nearest cousins warmly, then shot his father the most accusing look in the history of the clan, destroying the previously held record for most accusing look between Akimichi Chouga and his brother Choumaru after the raspberry sorbet incident. 

"Chouji," Choza said, each word laced with double meaning, "This is your cousin Akitsu, from Kiri. He's visiting for a while." 

Akitsu tried for a 'I'm innocent I swear' smile. 

His cousin was not fooled. 

"Please be welcome in our home," Chouji said pleasantly, and ate his rice just a bit more viciously than perhaps he had to. 

Choza pinched the bridge of his nose and made a mental list of the demands he was going to place before Orochimaru at the next Clan Council meeting. 

\---

"Are you sure?" Sasuke asked Chouji. 

"Look, Mr. Magic Murder Dojutsu," Chouji hissed out his bedroom window, "if YOU want to get an eyeful just to confirm with YOUR genius eyeballs that he's the guy the Mist nin were chasing-" 

Sasuke shook his head. "I know. Orochimaru-sensei told me already." 

Chouji threw his arms up in the air. "Then WHY ARE YOU ASKING ME?!" 

Sasuke grinned. "Just testing you. Can you get out?" 

"If it's to punch you in your stupid perfect jaw I can leave right now." Chouji said. 

"No punching. Come on we're meeting at Training Field Four." 

Sasuke disappeared. Chouji grumbled and climbed up on his windowsill. Curfew for the Compound was in less than ten minutes but the guards had already made their final rounds for the next half hour. No one would check on Chouji- unless the village was in a state of war it was clan rules that no doors were to be opened unless the guard had reason to suspect that someone was being held against their will or a direct order had been levied by the Clan Head. 

A few hand signs and Chouji was standing neatly in midair. He turned, crouched in empty space, and closed his window. No sense letting all the bugs in. 

Then he walked across the air to the compound wall, stepped onto it, and then down into the street. Sasuke was waiting. 

"Nicely done," he said. 

"Float like a butterfly." Chouji said. Sasuke snorted. 

"Shikamaru and Ino?" Chouji asked. 

"Already on their way, I sent Sakura. Come on!" 

Sasuke took off into the evening. Chouji followed. 

\---

Orochimaru glared at Namikaze Kushina, who was laughing. Of course Kushina was often laughing, but it was rare that she got to laugh at him. 

"What is so funny?" He asked. 

"You, you know?" Kushina said with a broad grin. "Why do you even bother trying for secrecy?" 

"Because appearances are everything," Orochimaru dryly replied. 

"Sasuke's gonna spill, you know." Kushina said fondly. "Those kids are thick as thieves." 

"I am aware of the unfortunate tendency of teams seven through ten of," Orochimaru looked disdainful, " _Cohesion._ " 

"It's called teamwork, Lord Hokage," Kushina said. 

"Mmm," Orochimaru murmured. "They do have a bent for it." 

Truth be told he could see great things ahead for the current young generation of ninja. While a few among them were clearly exemplary, together they were something else entirely. There was no separation- Shino from Team Eight could fight just as well alongside Shikamaru of Team Ten as he could Sakura of Team Seven. Even now as chunin (and no longer officially numbered teams) they exhibited an almost military-like tendency to form a fighting platoon. 

It was amazing. 

And annoying as all hell. 

"You didn't call me here to talk about the kids, you know." Kushina reminded him. "What's on your mind, Slithers?" 

Orochimaru did not dignify the nickname with a reaction. Instead he said, "I've had word from the Land of Rain." 

Kushina's eyes widened just a fraction. 

"Kushina- Naruto and that idiot are-" 

\---

Training Field Four was cast in soft moonlight. In a circle in its center sat six young ninja and one very large dog. None of them seemed perturbed at the darkness and why should they be? They were trained to fight whatever the light, whatever the weather. Still it was odd to see one of their number holding- 

"Hinata, did you bring a notebook?" Sakura asked. 

"For Tenten," Hinata admitted. "I said I would take notes for her. She's doing a double shift in the armory." 

Ino winced. "Ugh, polishing kunai and sharpening swords. I feel for that poor girl." 

"You shouldn't," Shino said. "Why? Because she is a dedicated mistress of blades and will do her duty well." 

"We can't argue that but it must be a total drag." Shikamaru said. 

Hinata giggled. Sasuke and Chouji rounded the corner and approached their friends. Sakura and Ino shuffled over to make room for them. 

"One of these days your brother is gonna pin you to the floor," Ino said to Sasuke, who waved a hand. "Okay you first then me." Sasuke told Chouji. 

Chouji took a deep breath. "You remember the guy who was running from the Mist ninja when Sasuke and I encountered them?" 

Nods all around. 

"He's here." 

"Here as in Konoha?" Ino asked. 

"Yes, but here as in here." Chouji pointed due southeast, "In our compound."

"You're positive of his identity?" Shikamaru asked. 

"Dad's exact words were 'a cousin from Kiri'."

"Orochimaru-sensei confirmed," Sasuke told the group. "Suikazan Akitsu." 

"How did you miss he was a Suikazan before?" Ino demanded. 

"Trying not to die, Ino." Chouji reminded her. Kiba snorted. "Suikazan, Akimichi, tomato, other tomato."

"I'm going to pretend for the sake of our friendship that I didn't hear that, Kiba." Chouji said with a too-friendly smile. 

"Okay whatever." Kiba muttered. 

"Sasuke?" Hinata asked. "What's your news?" 

\---

Kushina brought one trembling hand to her mouth. Orochimaru watched her, praying she didn't start crying, knowing she would. 

Kushina tried valiantly for a smile but it failed miserably. She sniffed hard and said, "I need to tell Teuchi, you know? He's gonna need a lot more noodles, if-" 

\---

 

"Jiraiya and Naruto are on their way home." 

The sound of Sakura's neck bones clicking as she jerked her head around to stare at Sasuke practically echoed across the training field. "And you didn't tell me at morning training _why?_ " She asked. 

"I didn't know at morning training!" Sasuke held up his hands placatingly. "I didn't know until after lunch!" 

"That's still over six hours, Sasuke." Sakura said. She sounded just a little too sweet. Their friends looked between them. Ino got ready for a mind transfer, Chouji spread his palms flat for ease of baika, and Shikamaru's hands began creeping up into the kagemane position Just In Case. 

"You were with Lady Tsunade in the surgical ward all afternoon," Sasuke reminded Sakura, "and the last time I tried to interrupt you in the surgical ward you nearly cut my head off." 

"You dodged it Mr. Sharingan!" Sakura protested. 

"Why would Sasuke not tell you? Because it would be easier to do damage control when we are all together in this open space." Shino Aburame said. 

"Shino's right, Sakura." Ino said. "Don't punch a hole through Sasuke or next time we all sneak out after hours the Hokage won't be so keen on letting us play Nina Council." 

Sakura huffed. "You get off this time, jerk." She muttered, though the sideway smile she cast at Sasuke said she wouldn't carry through on any threat. "So Naruto and the old pervert are coming home. AND there's a mist ninja being hosted by a pillar clan. Something is definitely going down with Kiri." 

"The question is what?" Chouji said. "We're still nominally at peace and every attack has been because we were in the wrong place at the wrong time. Unless I understood your encounter wrong, Kiba," he said. 

Kiba, lounging on Akamaru's back, shook his head. "It was a surprise attack, meant to delay us. Nothing more. No one got to punch a swordsman," he added, just to hear Chouji groan. 

"There aren't enough pieces to see a full picture." Shikamaru said. "Hinata, has Neji heard anything?" 

Hinata shook her head. "Cousin Neji's been on border patrol. They've upped the manpower but other than that there's been no changes." 

"When did they up the manpower?" Ino asked. 

"Two days ago." Hinata said. 

"When this mist nin came," Shikamaru said thoughtfully. 

"He's outside of Ibiki's influence," Chouji said, following Shikamaru's thoughts, "and under the full protection of the Clan." 

"Full protection?" Sakura asked, impressed. 

"Full protection. Dad doesn't call anyone a cousin unless we're supposed to keep them alive at any cost." Chouji confirmed. 

"So whatever's happening, your visitor knows more about it than we do." Shikamaru said. 

"We need to talk to him." Ino said, completing the cycle of thought. 

"I don't suppose it would be worth it to point out," Shino said, "that we'll know the important bits when the Hokage wants us to know them?" 

Sasuke snorted. "If I didn't at least try to find out what's going on here before Orochimaru-sensei told me, he'd probably disown me as his student." 

"Point." Sakura said. 

"So how do we get him to talk?" Hinata asked. "If he's under full protection, threatening him is out. Chouji's duty-bound to defend him." 

"We don't need to interrogate him," Shikamaru said. "we just need to get him talking. That will be the easy part." 

"How?" Kiba demanded. 

In response, Shikamaru just smiled. 

\---

"They're smart kids," Shisui said to Kakashi and Gai. They were scattered on the thick branches of the nearest trees, listening to the impromptu war council. The ANBU were under strict orders not to interfere, but then Shisui was the Head of the Uchiha Police, not a member of ANBU, and Kakashi was a concerned sensei of course and so was Gai even if one of his students was on border patrol and another was in the armory and the third was training the Kazekage in hand to hand three days' travel away. All perfectly above board. 

"They're too smart for their own good sometimes," Kakashi murmured. 

"It's alright, Kakashi." Gai said. "I think Lord Hokage is counting on them. They think differently than we do. If this comes to war…" 

"They might be the lynchpin that prevents it," Shisui finished the thought. 

"We can only hope." Kakashi said. "Are you going to report back?" 

Shisui nodded. "We've been keeping a close eye on the situation. If they can get Suikazan talking, it would be a boon to the Uchiha investigation. How soon will Naruto be returning?"

"Matter of days, according to the Hokage." Kakashi looked troubled. "With missives from Hidden Rain." 

"One crisis at a time, Kakashi." Gai said. The three men vanished into the night air, leaving Shikamaru to outline a plan.


End file.
